Well, the world didn’t end. So, if you thought this was the year you’d be able to skimp on a New Year’s resolution, I’m sorry to say, it’s not. Instead, it’s that time of year again for false hopes and promises for the pessimists, and the perfect time for a fresh start for the optimists.
I’ve never personally put much stock in resolutions, mostly because I think I’d cave under the pressure of trying to accomplish something over the course of 365 days, but this year I thought I’d take a stab at it. However, instead of brainstorming things for myself, I decided to come up with suggestions for gals based on some observations throughout 2012.
Guys, I have no business offering up suggestions to you, so that’s where my friend, Oscee, comes in. Together, we’ve each compiled our top five New Year’s tips (resolutions) for 2013, featured below for your enjoyment.
Gal Resolution #5 | Expand Your Vocabulary
I wouldn’t say such words as “literally” and “like” are exclusive to the female population, but it sure does seem like it, doesn’t it? To put to rest this trend, I recommend frequenting a thesaurus from time to time, or at the very least, learn the difference between “figuratively” and “literally.” The answers may surprise you.
Guy Resolution #5 | Embrace New Experiences
For starters, there are always the guys who think they are missing something in their life, or feel they need to culture themselves because the world does not start and end with the good ole US of A. We all know this guy and usually encourage him, but then laugh behind his back.
I admit there are some other great people and places in the world, but I’ve also had the belief that when you are the top dog in anything, everyone should try to catch up to YOU! So whether you decide to learn a new language, study abroad, or take that jazz tap class – go for it, but don’t try to force it upon us or get upset when we mock you unmercifully.
Gal Resolution #4 | Less Pinning, More Doing
I log into Pinterest at least once a day on average. And each time, I’m almost guaranteed to see pins containing the latest workouts to try, words to help me get through them, and the body I’ll have at the end of it all.
While all that’s great, it does make me wonder how many people pin away, but never actually go out and do. I personally have pinned hundreds of recipes, but have yet to actually make a single one. Let this be the year we stop digitally hoarding, and actually put to good use all the things we love so much.
Guy Resolution #4 | Eat Healthy
Up next, feel free to insert <your will eat/won’t eat, go to the gym, exercise, get jacked> comment. Fellas, lets not kid ourselves, women work out for this reason, so we try to do our part by not creeping them out at the same gym. They say it takes about 3-4 months of constant gym time in order for it to become habit.
If you think you’re going to pick this habit up because of some stupid statement you told yourself on the night of the 31st, then more power to you! Just do us all a favor and don’t mess it up for the rest of us. Wear appropriate clothes (see: athletic apparel that doesn not include jeans or spandex), and when staring, learn to use your peripherals!
Gal Resolution #3 | Let Out Your Inner Nerd
Gone is the traditional definition of a “nerd,” and in is a version that frankly, is a whole lot of fun. It wasn’t until recently that I learned just how all encompassing the term “nerd” actually is. Even Tina Fey considers herself a nerd for crying out loud!
I’m still not entirely convinced there’s one true definition, but I think what I’m trying to say is, don’t let the fear of any stigmas hold you back. Something doesn’t have to be “cool” to be completely amazing. Who even knows what “cool” means anymore anyway? Is it related to “hipster?” The world may never know.
Guy Resolution #3 | Keep an Eye on Your Money
According to Francis Ford Coppola, “There’s nothing creative about living within your means.” I say amen brother. While try as we might, saving money only lasts until we find a girl that catches our eye and then that theory’s out the window. If you are one of those that think you must find a job that pays you X amount of dollars that you think you are worth: GOOD LUCK. The economy sucks so it’s better to have something than nothing.
Gal Resolution #2 | Stay On Top of Current Events
One of the finest additions to the Saturday Night Live stable of Weekend Update characters this season was the introduction of “The Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation with at a Party.” One of the many reasons it’s hilarious is because most of us know someone just like her: someone who kind of has an idea of what’s going on in the world, but not really.
And it’s never more apparent than when you get cornered and are forced to listen to what is essentially just nonsense. Bottom line, don’t ever let yourself be that girl. Utilize the many news resources available today, and if you do find yourself reciting facts, make sure you know exactly what you’re talking about!
Guy Resolution #2 | There’s Plenty of Time to Get Serious
Everyone has to grow up at some point, but who says when that has to be?! Five years ago, 40 years old was the new 30 which automatically makes 30 the new 20. At this rate, you will just be hitting your prime at 32 years of age, so why would you want to throw away all those good times to become a boring adult?
There will come a time when you have to get your 401K in order or get out of that bachelor pad and move into a real home. However, I say until it is absolutely necessary, enjoy the good times and keep bro-ing out. We should all strive to keep our inner, Chazz Reinhold alive, just not to that extreme.
Gal Resolution #1 | Sports. Sports. Sports.
I think us ladies have definitely come a long way from the stereotypical version of the boring housewife who knows nothing about sports. While I think these days most gals at least make an effort to share this particular interest with the man (or men) in their life, wouldn’t it be something if you actually knew more than basic facts like Jay Cutler had a baby with a reality star, or the bars in Wrigleyville are great for pregaming before Cubs games?
You can never go wrong with knowing a thing or two about sports. And if any of your resolutions involves meeting “the one,” any kind of advanced sports knowledge at all will definitely be a ticket to success.
Guy Resolution #1 | Do Not Hook Up with Crazy Chicks
Of course, I saved the best for last, but that’s because I went in reverse order. We all have been there time and time again – Semisonic’s “Closing Time” blasting as the last round of shots are being choked down, and in the wise words of Jay from “The 40 Year Old Virgin: “It’s a code written in his DNA, says, ‘tackle the gazelle.’ And believe it or not, in every man there’s a code written that says, ‘tackle drunk b&$%#@s!’”
This year is going to be different we tell ourselves. Let’s be honest though, as long as alcohol is involved this will never be upheld and we will always rationalize why she is not that crazy or it’s “just this one last time.” When you shop for ladies at the bar, you get ladies from the bar.
Oh well. It’s the thought that counts, right? Drink responsibly and have a Happy New Year!